Dog's Day Afternoon (transcript)
Script (It starts in the evening when Timmy's parents are getting into the car on the driveway) *'Mr. Turner: '''Bye, Timmy! Bye, Vicky! We're going! (Vicky looks out the window upstairs) *'Timmy: No, don't leave! Take me with you! *Vicky: (pushes him down and pats him) I love you, yes I do! *Mrs. Turner: Aww, listen to Vicky. Isn't it great to have a babysitter that loves our Timmy so much? *'Vicky: '''You're so smart, and cute and well groomed! *'Mr. Turner: 'And she's so complimentary! Usually you gotta pay extra for that. (they laugh as they drive away) *'Vicky: '(hearts floating around her head) That's why I love you, Doidle! (patting her dogs head) Oh yes I do! *'Timmy: '''Man, I hate it when Vicky brings her stupid dog over. *Wanda: She sure loves that dog more than she loves you. *Cosmo: She loves everything more than she loves Timmy! *'Wanda: '(swimming next to him) Even dust bunnies? *'Cosmo: '''More than Timmy! Measles? (swims down) *'Wanda: 'Oh much more than Timmy! (swims down with him) Dead bugs? *'Cosmo: '(swims out the castle) Less than measles, but more than Timmy! *'Vicky: 'Your parents left a to-do list for you! *'Timmy: '(takes paper from Doidle's mouth) This is a list of things to do for your dog in your handwriting! *'Vicky: '(picks up Timmy) And the hand that wrote it (puts her fist in his face) makes this! Move it! (the next scene shows Timmy standing out in the rain holding an umbrella over Doidle as he sniffs a fire hydrant. His wagging tail repeatedly hits Timmy in the face) *'Vicky: '(off-screen) Doidle! Dinner! (Doidle bounces away while Timmy gets struck by lightning. In the next scene, Timmy's waiting at the dinner table and twitching. Vicky puts a huge steaming steak in front of him) *'Timmy: 'Oh boy, (twitches) steak! *'Vicky: '(hits him off the chair) Not for you! (Timmy slides into the chair in front of a frozen TV dinner while Doidle eats the steak in one go. Timmy picks up the frozen food but Doidle eats the whole thing) *'Timmy: '(picks up the carton) Oh boy, plastic. (gnaws into it) (in the next scene, Vicky is busy reading a teen magazine in the living room while Timmy is tending to Doidle in his room) *'Timmy: 'Man, this stinks! I'm this dog's dog! *'Wanda: 'Isn't that a rap group? *'Cosmo: 'Word! (poofs into rap gear but gets pulled to the floor by the heaviness of his necklace) *'Timmy: 'If I switched places with Doidle, Vicky would treat me as nice as she treats him! *'Wanda: 'Great idea, Timmy! *'Timmy: 'Yeah! Dog's have a better sense of smell, and they can see in black and white, and they can go to the bathroom anywhere they want! *'Cosmo: 'So can I, I'm just polite! *'Timmy: 'I wish I could switch places with Vicky's dog! (Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands, and Timmy and Doidle's brains get switched around) *'Timmy: '(in Doidle's body) Cool, I have dog vision! *'Vicky: '(enters the room) You, bed! (Doidle in Timmy's body barks and runs to the bed on all fours) *'Vicky: 'Ooh, come with me! (catches Doidle who jumps into her arms) Who's a good boy? (Doidle in Timmy's body falls asleep on Timmy's bed) *'Vicky: '(hearts floating around her) Say you love me! Say it! *'Timmy: '''(barks to Vicky but she doesn't understand what he's really saying) ...and you're not smart, and you got a big fat head, and boys think you're creepy, and... (barks) *'Vicky: '''That's a good Doidle! (hugs him) Oh, Doidly-doo! It must be great being a dog! (Timmy laughs. In the next scene, Cosmo and Wanda watch Timmy destroy all of his homework) *'Timmy: 'Cool, I can eat my own homework! (pees on Vicky's teen magazine) *'TV: 'That's right, folks. The new liquid weed whacker is the best darn whacker for weeds... (Timmy changes the channel) *'TV: 'And Shamrock has the Irish... (Timmy puts his face in a tub of ice cream) *'Vicky: '(squeezes her wet teen magazine) That's it, Doidle. You can chew what you want, piddle on what you want, and eat what you want tonight. Y'know why? (Timmy barks at her) *'Vicky: 'That's right, because tomorrow's your special day! The day you get fixed! (Timmy drops the tub of ice cream and yelps) *'TV: 'Ooh, that's gotta hurt! (Timmy runs to Cosmo and Wanda in his room) *'Timmy: 'You guys gotta put me back in my old body! I wish I was back to normal! (Timmy doesn't realize in reality he is only barking at them) *'Wanda: 'Timmy sure seems excited. What's he saying? *'Cosmo: 'I don't know, I don't speak dog! *'Timmy: 'What do you mean you don't speak dog?! Learn! Learn! (Timmy howls as Timmy's parents drive back up the driveway and beep the horn) *'Vicky: 'C'mon, Doidle! (drags him out the room by his nails) The twerp's parents are home. *'Cosmo: 'Aww, Timmy just filed those. *'Wanda: 'Timmy's leaving, we should follow him. *'Cosmo: '(poofing above Doidle sleeping on Timmy's bed) But which Timmy is Timmy? *'Wanda: '(poofing next to him) That's a good question. You go with the dog body, I'll stay with the Timmy body so the dog doesn't ruin it. (Cosmo goes to leave but hovers by the doorway, then tears well up in his eyes and his lips tremble) *'Wanda: What's the matter, big daddy? *'Cosmo: '(crying) We haven't been apart since we've been married! *'Wanda: '''Oh, it's just for a little while, goopy. (Da Rules poof up) And the rules do say... *'Cosmo and Wanda: We have to watch out for Timmy! *'Cosmo: '(puts his back to hers) I married the smart one! *'Wanda: '(they turn into a heart) I married the... well, he's cute right? (Cosmo smiles. The next scene moves to Vicky's house) *'''Vicky: '''You're going to love your new veterinarian. Oh yes, he's fixed all my pets! Like Happy the goldfish... (fish sinks down) Shiver the cat... (cat shivers from electric shocks) and Ginny the parrot! *Ginny: Polly wanna... aw, who cares? *Shiver: Hey kid, did she give you a steak? *'Timmy: '''Yeah? (Shiver laughs and leaves Timmy looking nervous. Cosmo bounces over to him disguised as a flea) *'Cosmo: 'Hey Timmy! It's me, I'm a flea! (lands on Timmy's nose) *'Timmy: 'Hey, Cosmo! Listen to me! You've gotta get me outta here! I... (barks at him) *'Cosmo: 'Ahahaha, arf arf arf right back at you, woof boy! If you need me, I'll be on your butt! (camps in the fur on Timmy's backside) Ahh, the great outdoors and no wife! Ooh yeah, I'm gonna swing, daddio! I'm gonna call all my old friends! (takes out address book) Let's see, Wanda... uh, Wanda with a little star next to it... Wanda... Panda, no that's Wanda with a smudge on the "W"... (tears well up in his eyes) I... (crying) I miss Wanda!! (Timmy howls into the night. Meanwhile Wanda is hovering above Doidle and talking on the phone) *'Wanda: 'Oh that's right, Sissy! I've finally got some time to write my novel! (phone turns into a typewriter) Finally, a romance novel to shake the ages! (types) It was dawn. I was in my towel when the ninjas attacked... (the sun comes up and Wanda has a stack of papers next to her) *'Mrs. Turner: 'Timmy! Breakfast! *'Doidle as Timmy: '(pants) Food! Food! (runs into the door to which Wanda makes a doggy door for him to go through) Food, food, food! (runs into the kitchen on all fours) Food, food, food, food! Food! (puts face into his cereal) *'Mrs. Turner: 'He sure is hungry! *'Mr. Turner: 'No no, that's just the way all kids eat cereal now. Face first, I'm hip! (puts face into cereal) (school bus shows up) *'Doidle as Timmy: '(excitedly) School bus! School bus! Chase, chase, chase, chase! *'Mr. Turner: '''Wow, does Timmy love school or what?! (puts face into coffee) Ahh, hot! It doesn't work with hot! (the next scene shows Timmy running up to Chester and AJ) *Chester: Dude! What's the hap? *AJ: (drops a pencil, bends over to pick it up, and looks disturbed when Timmy sniffs his butt) I have to say, this is a massive violation of my personal space! (Timmy runs in school to the sound of a screaming girl and someone hitting him. Chester and AJ follow Timmy into the boy's toilet and watch Timmy stick his head into the toilet) *'AJ: '''Wow, Timmy's tough! *'Chester: '''Yeah Francis, he's tougher than you! *Francis: Nobody's tougher than me! (sticks his head in the next toilet) Slurp slurp slurp slurp! (Chester and AJ drink out of toilets as well. Meanwhile, Wanda is having tea with two other fairies in a nearby tree) *'Wanda: '''It's great to see you girls. You mean you're free because all your kids switched places with animals today? *'Fairy #1: 'Oh sure, kids do that all the time! *'Fairy #2: 'My little Sophie switched places with a frog! *'Wanda: 'But, Don't they dissect those? *'Fairy #2: 'Oh my gosh! (poofs away and cloud appears with the word "PANIC!") *'Wanda: 'Well, better check on Timmy! (poofs away) (the scene changes to the playground and the camera pans to AJ and Chester sitting on the swings) *'AJ: 'Hey Chester, does Timmy seem a little off today? *'Chester: 'No, why? (Timmy catches a frisbee in his mouth in the background) *'Chester: 'Oh, you mean the butt thing? *'Timmy: '(watches a ball being hit through the playground) Ball, ball! *'Wanda: 'Timmy, oh my gosh! (runs after him) *'Fairy #2: '''(holding Sophie in a frog's body pinned to a tray) Not so easy, is it fancy pants? (The frog in Sophie's body leaps past her and ribbits, the next scene changes to the vets) *Dr. Snipowitz: Alrighty, who's next? Vicky, come on in! *'Vicky: '(drags Timmy in by a leash) Hi Dr. Snipowitz! *'''Dr '''Snipowitz: Ok, let's tie this little pup up so he won't run away! (ties Timmy's leash to a pole and pats his head) *'Vicky: '(looking at a wall of scary looking weapon tools and points to one) What's this one? *'''Dr '''Snipowitz: Well we call that the pushy thingy, and this is the pully-lifty thingy, and this is the pully-pushy-lifty thingy and this is the snip master 8000! *'Vicky: '''Wow! *'Cosmo: '(on Timmy's nose who is shaking in fear) Oh my gosh, she's gonna have you fixed! Why didn't you say something?! (Timmy snarls at him. The vet approaches him but Timmy bites his leg, making the vet drop the snip master 8000 and cut through Timmy's leash. He escapes out the window) *'Vicky: 'Doidle! (Timmy stops on the sidewalk and sniffs around while Cosmo appears) *'Cosmo: '''What is it, boy? Smell something? (Timmy points his nose at Doidle running down the road on all fours after a ball) *Doidle: Ball, ball, ball, ball! *'Cosmo: '''Hey Timmy, it's Timmy! (sees Wanda chasing after him) And Wanda! Hey Wanda! It's me! (waves his arms excitedly) (she goes to wave at him but runs into a lamppost. Doidle follows the ball into Dimmsdale park and Timmy follows him) *'Cosmo: '(poofs over to Wanda lying on the ground) Hi honey! I had the worst day without you, puddin. What with the fleas and the great outdoors, which incidentally wasn't that great. So, how was your day? Did you miss me? Did ya, did ya, did ya? *'Wanda: '(grabs his throat) Yes! I. Missed. You. *'Doidle: 'Ball, ball, ball, ball! (sees ball) Ball! *'Timmy: '(puts paw on the ball) Ruff! Ruff! I need you to say I wish I was back in my own body! *'Doidle: 'No way! *'Cosmo and Wanda: '(poof in) He can talk?! *'Timmy: 'You can understand me? *'Doidle: 'Duh, I speak dog. It's my native tongue! I'm just a jerk! *'Timmy: 'But you can wish us back to normal now! *'Doidle: 'I may still have a dog's brain, but I'm not that stupid. I have thumbs now! Sure I can't go to the bathroom anywhere I want... (Cosmo smiles to Wanda) *'Doidle: 'But why would I wanna go back to being a dog? (Timmy jumps on Doidle and they start fighting) *'Wanda: 'Oh my gosh, Timmy and Timmy are fighting! *'Cosmo: 'Y'know, lollipop, when we were apart I was so lonely! (moves closer to her) *'Wanda: '(looks over his shoulder) Oh no, Timmy just bit Timmy! *'Cosmo: 'Timmy this, Timmy that! You're lucky I'm not the jealous type! *'Wanda: 'That's it! (changes into a girl dog and distracts them from fighting) Hi there, big boy! *'Doidle: 'Hi, I'm Doidle. You're a pretty poodle! I like pretty poodles! (hearts float around him) *'Wanda: 'I was just looking for the right dog to give this big, juicy bone to! (bone poofs up and Doidle's eyes turn to hearts) *'Timmy: '(light bulb appears over him) Hi, I'm the real Doidle! *'Doidle: 'No, I'm Doidle! *'Wanda: 'You're not a dog, you're just a boy with a silly pink hat! (gives bone to Timmy) *'Doidle: 'I am not! (snarls) I wish I was a dog again! (Cosmo waves his wand and Timmy and Doidle's brains go back to their original bodies) *'Timmy: 'Cool, I'm human, I'm human! I'm not an animal! In your face, dog! Here! (picks up ball) See the ball, doggy? Well, fetch! (throws it at his head) Hahaha! (to Wanda) You really think my hat is silly? (Doidle pushes Timmy out the way and barks suggestively to Wanda) *'Wanda: 'Sorry, I'm happily married! (poofs away) *'Timmy: '(picks up bone that Doidle drops) Hey you're right, thumbs rock! (Doidle barks angrily) *'Timmy: 'I wish he had a muzzle! (Doidle's mouth is tied into a muzzle) *'Timmy: 'And a cage! (Doidle's stuck in a cage) *'Timmy: 'Smaller cage. (the cage shrinks down and squashes Doidle into a bundle) *'Vicky: 'Doidle, there you are! (picks up cage) Now let's get you fixed! (Doidle whimpers. The scene changes to later that evening, Timmy is watching TV with Doidle looking sad nearby) *'Vicky: '''Guys, meet my new hamster; Spunky! You can stay here! (knocks Cosmo and Wanda's fish bowl out the way and Timmy catches it) Here you go, Spunky! A new juicy steak! *Spunky: 'Oh boy, steak! (jumps up and grabs it) *'Timmy: 'Should we tell him? *'Wanda: 'It's only fair. Hey Spunky... *'Spunky: 'My steak, no way, I'm eating here, mine, get away you losers, mine, mine, stop it, don't touch it, get away! *'Timmy: 'He can find out on his own. (Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda laugh as the camera pans out the window) *'TV: '''It's all over now, folks. Haha, why am I laughing? Category:Episode transcripts